Life is for the Living

It's amazing to be able to watch TV shows and cry at appropriate moments simply because the scene tugged at my heartstrings and NOT because it triggered memories of heartbreak.

I love this feeling. I truly love it but at the same time, I am feeling a bit displaced. I feel a bit out of sorts with myself. Because now, without past heartaches (romantic and otherwise) casting shadows over every emotional scene I come across, I suddenly realized I don't know what to do with myself.

It's a weird feeling watching something and crying over it because now, when I cry it is because I am imagining what it is like being in that situation, rather than reliving past heartaches.

I have covered myself with layers and layers of protective walls because I did not want anything to touch me because I have already been through so much heartache. I felt the need to shield myself and not allow myself to get too close to anyone because I am terrified of losing them and getting hurt.

And now, I realize that I must peel off of my protective layers because now that I have healed from past heartaches, I realize that the next step to healing is to get reacquainted with people and accept the fact that everytime I give a part of myself to others, I am also making myself vulnerable. But life is for the living. And hurting is part of living.

So although my thinking may sound convoluted, I do really love this feeling of simply... feeling.